Yesterday I checked the Lotto ticket I was given for my birthday, the lady ran it through the lottery machine and said “You are not a winner.” I replied with a big smile, “I am always a winner.”

This got me thinking, who did win the recent Brian Tracey blog competition? I checked, it wasn’t me, however never one to let a blog article go to waste, here is my entry….

How to Win What Could Be the Blogging Opportunity of Your Life.

1 Name drop???? Hmmmm – don’t think so.
2 Write something amazing, divinely inspired? But what if God didn’t show up today?
Then I am left with me.

As with many other bloggers, my early journey was fulfilling on a creative level, at least to me. I wrote about topics that I love – all personal development. I shared wisdom from some of the biggest names in the business. Being a fan of gurus like Brian Tracey, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Antony Robbin, Rick Warren, and John Gray, quotes were included.

As I was on my own journey of becoming the best me I could possibly be, I spent much of the last few of years undertaking courses, attending seminars and being coached. What I found as I went on was that I remembered many different ways I had learned or taught various techniques such as the life wheel or goal setting. I gained confidence that what I was paying others thousands of dollars for, I had already been teaching these strategies, at times in a variety of different ways for decades. No, I am not that old – I just started young! In fact my first paid job outside my family, was when I was 12 years old, my first management job was when I was 18 years old, my first business was 13 years old.

So why was I not already as successful as I would like for this point in time?
Mindset was becoming bigger and bigger. I will always remember Jim Rohn reminding us of the cartoon many of us grew up with, where there was a little devil and a little angel on each shoulder whispering to us. Others call this the Encourager and the Inner Critic. Plus most of us have people in our lives who are dream stealers. For example, when I finally published my first book, ‘Find True Love’, one of the people closest to me said “No-one will ever read that.” Fortunately by this stage, I knew enough to know that this would only be true if I did not give others the opportunity to read it!

This particular book is given away for free in ebook version as I believe in the message. To find true love, we need to first love ourselves, personally I also believe that getting right with God is a major key, we also need to acknowledge where we are at, work out what we want, then create a plan to get there and go for it!

As a blogger, whether as a hobby or business, we need to be passionate. Sometimes it feels the world is quiet. At other times, encouragement comes in from iphones, blackberries, and email almost daily. So we need to have the bigger purpose to keep going and maintain the vision.

So what else am I passionate about?

I am also working a series of Overcoming Post Traumatic Stress. Blog posts have been published from survivors sharing not only their experiences but also their wisdom on how they were able to overcome PTSD. James Greenshields is a coach who specialises in helping former soldiers, following his trauma of being blown up in Iraq. Frances Byrne and her family survived the Boxing Day tsunami while on holiday in Phuket, Thailand. Then there is my own story of surviving living in Dili, East Timor, in the early days of it’s independence. One needs only to read any newspaper, turn on the television or the internet to see that daily there are thousands more who are undergoing trauma. So the need for this service is unfortunately skyrocketing.

My favourite type of story to read are autobiographies about normal people, their experiences and how they overcame obstacles to succeed in life. God blessed us with the opportunity to be overcomers. I choose to thrive, not just survive. These days I am over being adequate, average and being comfortable. I choose to step out and help others, to step up and be counted.

Will you?
Wishing you love, peace and joy.

Cathy J

Sometimes I get so frustrated as it feels as if there is so little time.  We really do need to decide our priorities and live by them every day.  Sometimes it is a blessing to consider “What if…. I only had a short time left to live?”  Do you have a legacy?  Have you fulfilled your dreams?

Are you having fun?

I felt like I wasn’t then recently I was inspired by my family and friends, some belly dancing and Greek hospitality.

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Reminder to self:

“One night I looked up from my study (I had returned as a mature age student and was boarding at my brother’s place) to see the time.  It was almost midnight. I heard the television still on.  I went into the lounge room to see that my young niece and nephew were still up.  “What are you two still doing up?  Why haven’t you gone to bed?” I bellowed accusingly.  I can still hear their answer, “We are waiting for you. You said you would be in to see us.”  Even now, probably fifteen to twenty years later, my eyes well up in shame at how much these two young people were patient with me while I focused on my studies.”

Recently my life has become so busy again and I can feel the same old shame rising.  I am spending time away from those I love, or not doing the things I love, as I feel I should do this for my job, or I am supposed to do this study to keep my job.  And yet interestingly although I love teaching, I have always known it is only one small part of my dream.  So what were my dreams?

About 18 years ago I created a list, which was displayed on my fridge for years.

• To love and be loved..
• To give and share life with wondrous children.
• To write and speak what is in my heart.
• To have the resources (time, energy, and physical resources) to help others.

Am I any closer?  Perhaps in some ways.

I would add these days

• To be wise.

• To be emotionally adept.
• To be financially intelligent.
• To be a gifted communicator.

So what does this look like for me.

• To be a best-selling author (of books that truly impact people and bring them closer to their purposes in life)
• To be an international speaker who genuinely impacts others.
• To share my gifts and talents (and financial blessings) to help and encourage others.
• To love God with all my heart, soul and mind and love others as myself.

I now know how distracted I can get.  I spend my time teaching, blogging and coaching others how to stay focused, prioritize their lives and live a balanced life.  Mindset, has been and always will be an essential key.  As the wise Solomon wrote, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”  So if you do not have the life you want, what are you thinking?

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What is your story?  Please join in a conversation and inspire others by commenting below.

Dating is a very Western concept. Many cultures do not do the dating thing. Often in these cultures the marriages are arranged and often they work very well – the couple grow to love each other and have similar goals for life and the future.

However, for those of us in countries like America, Ireland and Australia, dating is the accepted and expected path to meeting your marriage partner or just to meet someone, usually of the opposite sex!

So whether it be dating or even just going to the pub on a Friday or Saturday night, what is your motivation?

• To pick up
• A one night stand
• Get drunk
• Have a ‘good time’
• Innocent fun
• Relax
• Unwind
• Catch up with friends
• Meet ‘the one’
• Bump into a guy/girl you like
• Exercise by dancing
• Listen to music
• See your favourite band
• Check out a new club
• See who else is out
• Create an opportunity to chat with a close friend who seems to be going through a tough time
• Spend some time away from your other half
• Spend some time with ‘the girls’ or ‘the boys’
• Get to know your prospective brother-in-law better
• Be busy, surrounded by people, drinking too much to dwell on the pain of the breakdown of your relationship with the person you thought was the love of your life
The list of reasons for dating is endless!

However keep reading if you want the second list that is hopeful and will lead to a better life.
Usually there will be multiple reasons for dating and they will vary according to your mood, age, circumstances, marital status, or phase you are going through.

Then depending on your expectations, you have either had a ‘good’ night or not, or even at the time you had a ball but then the next day you had a hang -over or ‘he didn’t call’ or you slept with him or her then felt totally hollow inside and regretted it.

These expectations can lead to ongoing addictive behaviours or depression… or something uplifting and wonderful.

According to Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling series ‘The Five Love Languages’, dating is cultural specific and he lists some reasons why people date. Thankfully he is a God loving man and so his list is uplifting and inspiring! [This list is based on his from his book ‘The Five Love Languages for Singles’.]
• To develop wholesome interactions with someone (ie not as a sexual object but as a person)
• Learn about the other person – their personality, their attitudes and values
• Discover more about yourself – not only in the way we relate to people in purely platonic or professional relationships but also romantically (and also our own positive and negative character traits)
• Practice putting others first – for example if you have not already established good rapport with people and you want one, you will need to do some things that they like (even if you don’t) or they just won’t be there!
• Listen to others – active listening is one of the most effective communication skills
• ‘checking out’ the other person to see if they would make a good lifelong mate or you learn what is essential and what is desirable in one

When we have a crush on someone or are attracted to them, we often have little choice in the matter – ignore it, take steps to release the emotion especially if it is inappropriate such as if one partner is already married, or embrace it and ‘fall in love’.

However as Gary Chapman explains when the stage of the ‘tingles’ begins to dwindle also known as falling out of love, is there enough of a foundation based on mutual respect to warrant the effort to reignite the spark or is it time to move on?
The good news is with his techniques outlined in his book series, it is possible to reignite the passion in your relationship.

For further recommendations on this topic please email me at cathy@cathyelliss.com
Thanks and wishing you the best if you are single and want to move onward and upward!

Do you ever watch television and see children yelling at their parents?  Or in the shops, children or teenagers disrespecting others?  How did this happen?  Unfortunately for many of our younger generations they have never seen people being respected such as I did when I was a young girl.  In those days you would rarely ever have seen a child or teenager backchat a parent or teacher, and if you did there were consequences – such as the cane at school or a smack or wooden spoon at home or even at the shop. *

Unfortunately as a teacher who first began teaching in schools twenty years ago then came back into the traditional classroom many years later – the changes were like stepping into another world.  In Australia and the UK and I imagine at least most of the Western world, it is expected that students will rebel and even our television soaps teach our kids stereotypes of rebelling, experimentation, and underage and premarital sexual relations as the norm.  I myself only learned that these were only one option, and not the norm as I had seen in my high school and on evening soaps, in my twenties.

It is not all doom and gloom though, there are many youth who are also stepping up and not accepting the behavior of their peers and who are determined to show the world how passionate and impacting they are thus balancing the sometimes general perception in the west of youth as disrespectful and ungrateful.

Even as recent as a year ago I was teaching in a faith school and the students sometimes would salute me, as a disciplinarian.  I definitely don’t see my style as disciplinarian however sometimes when starting off at a new school and even with a new class, the teacher can add benefits by really setting the standards high – in terms of classroom behavior, classwork and homework policies.   This did pay dividends for me and my students and even the teacher assistants loved my class as real learning was taking place in an inclusive and supportive atmosphere.

So how have I set these standards as a teacher?  Often I have workshopped the rules and expectations with the students first and they always end up with the two ‘R’s – Respect and Responsibility.  That is respect and responsibility for yourselves, for your and others’ property and also for the group.  Many people don’t seem to include the latter but if students understand teamwork and how one student can ruin it for the remainder, the atmosphere is better all around and a valuable lifelong lesson learned. In a primary school setting, an example would be where a few students playing up thus slowing down the lesson and allowing no time for the whole class to play an outside game (usually the class favourite pastime).  Earlier this year I had a few girls in a state primary school class repeatedly disrupting the class.  I spoke to each individually and explained how their behavior had affected the remainder of the class and for them to think about how the class had been looking forward to outside activity.  They had an option to apologise to the class for letting them down and have the class decide if they would accept the apology as sincere and decide a fitting consequence.  Each student chose this option and the impact was dramatic.  The class accepted all bar one of the apologies (not always the first time!) and of course said that the student had suffered enough with the disappointment and in-class isolation during lesson from their peers.

If either as a parent or teacher, you  choose to go down this road I suggest you look up some strategies and even some theories such as the theory of bumps, behavior management and classroom strategies.  Many parents recommend the PPP parenting principles which can make a huge difference if one is consistent and yet combines this with some flexibility.

From another perspective, it is also written that if we teach our children the right ways they will not easily deviate from the path.  One amazing mentor of mine these days is a woman called Dani Johnson.  She has an amazing story and realized that what she thought were her own developed, logical steps to success in every area of your life were actually based on those Biblical principles she had learned as a teen.  Basic principles for life such as honesty, respect, trustworthiness, and doing your best.  Definitely not rocket science and yet so many of us choose to do what is right in our own eyes no matter the affect on others and then wonder later, “What went wrong?”

If you are interested in resources, please email me as I have many recommendations. One book series I highly recommend is that written by Warren Chapman, entitled ‘The Five Love Languages’.  The series has these books for relationships, children, teens, even singles and also includes work books.  The strategies suggested here are very different than those traditionally advocated in more mainstream child/teen relationship books especially for parents and educators.  Yet I have had much success with them especially when more traditional methods have not worked.

Finally I strongly believe that if you can love your children enough to discipline them, they will benefit for the rest of their lives.

*  I am not advocating violence however from experience if alternate strategies are not working, a good old fashioned smack for effect (not hard) can do wonders!

Is there something in the world that you just love???  For me for nearly twenty years, it was the reward of a cigarette.  If I had done a hard physical workout, I would have a cigarette.  If I had just completed an exam I would reward myself by smoking.

For some the object of an addiction can be a different substance such as alcohol – that beer or wine after a hard’s days work or beginning at lunch on the weekend just because you can!  For others the object of addiction is less obvious such as being addicted to a person, work, exercise (oops – yes, I have been guilty of each of these!)  One thing I truly appreciate about life is that we do struggle for without struggles we become arrogant and independent and isolated…  With struggles we can choose what to do with them – cope with them by becoming addicted or draw closer to God and have him comfort us.

Life is about love.  God is love.  However love needs to be in relationship – between you and other people or you and God.  Even if you don’t agree that life is about love, I challenge you in your quieter, contemplative times that you are either thinking that you want love or defensively saying that you can live without it!  In the Western world where it can be considered uncool to believe in God and even childlike to believe in Jesus, I wonder why is the prevalence of substance abuse to numb our emotions so high!

Last weekend I went to a two day conference not only for those suffering from addictions, especially sexual addictions, but for those who would minister to them.  The conference was run by the Christian group Living Waters and we were blessed to have a team come out from Canada and teach and minister to us here in Bali, Indonesia.

So how do we know if we are addicted?

Is there something in your life that makes you feel GOOOOOOD!  You really enjoy it – maybe it is chocolate cake or coffee or the next line of cocaine!

Telltale signs you have an unhealthy attachment….

a)      Need more of it each time to get the same good feeling

b)      When you don’t have it, you are not so nice to be around

c)       You trick yourself saying that you can live without it or even deny that you use if at all

d)      Give excuses for it – perhaps saying “Oh well, I just overindulged over Christmas and New Year. “

e)      Hiding that you are doing it such as the single mum hiding the bottle of gin in the laundry basket

f)       Procrastinate – you even acknowledge that it is an issue but say “I am enjoying the moment.  One day I will look at stopping.”

Be gentle with others, even if right now you seem to have no addiction in your life, be thankful.  All of us are addicted to something.

It is how we choose to deal with it that makes us who we are.