Do You Have These Expectations When You Go Out Or Date Someone and Then Wonder Why You Are Disappointed?

Dating is a very Western concept. Many cultures do not do the dating thing. Often in these cultures the marriages are arranged and often they work very well – the couple grow to love each other and have similar goals for life and the future.

However, for those of us in countries like America, Ireland and Australia, dating is the accepted and expected path to meeting your marriage partner or just to meet someone, usually of the opposite sex!

So whether it be dating or even just going to the pub on a Friday or Saturday night, what is your motivation?

• To pick up
• A one night stand
• Get drunk
• Have a ‘good time’
• Innocent fun
• Relax
• Unwind
• Catch up with friends
Meet ‘the one’
• Bump into a guy/girl you like
• Exercise by dancing
• Listen to music
• See your favourite band
• Check out a new club
• See who else is out
• Create an opportunity to chat with a close friend who seems to be going through a tough time
• Spend some time away from your other half
• Spend some time with ‘the girls’ or ‘the boys’
• Get to know your prospective brother-in-law better
• Be busy, surrounded by people, drinking too much to dwell on the pain of the breakdown of your relationship with the person you thought was the love of your life
The list of reasons for dating is endless!

However keep reading if you want the second list that is hopeful and will lead to a better life.
Usually there will be multiple reasons for dating and they will vary according to your mood, age, circumstances, marital status, or phase you are going through.

Then depending on your expectations, you have either had a ‘good’ night or not, or even at the time you had a ball but then the next day you had a hang -over or ‘he didn’t call’ or you slept with him or her then felt totally hollow inside and regretted it.

These expectations can lead to ongoing addictive behaviours or depression… or something uplifting and wonderful.

According to Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling series ‘The Five Love Languages’, dating is cultural specific and he lists some reasons why people date. Thankfully he is a God loving man and so his list is uplifting and inspiring! [This list is based on his from his book ‘The Five Love Languages for Singles’.]
• To develop wholesome interactions with someone (ie not as a sexual object but as a person)
• Learn about the other person – their personality, their attitudes and values
• Discover more about yourself – not only in the way we relate to people in purely platonic or professional relationships but also romantically (and also our own positive and negative character traits)
• Practice putting others first – for example if you have not already established good rapport with people and you want one, you will need to do some things that they like (even if you don’t) or they just won’t be there!
• Listen to others – active listening is one of the most effective communication skills
• ‘checking out’ the other person to see if they would make a good lifelong mate or you learn what is essential and what is desirable in one

When we have a crush on someone or are attracted to them, we often have little choice in the matter – ignore it, take steps to release the emotion especially if it is inappropriate such as if one partner is already married, or embrace it and ‘fall in love’.

However as Gary Chapman explains when the stage of the ‘tingles’ begins to dwindle also known as falling out of love, is there enough of a foundation based on mutual respect to warrant the effort to reignite the spark or is it time to move on?
The good news is with his techniques outlined in his book series, it is possible to reignite the passion in your relationship.

For further recommendations on this topic please email me at cathy@cathyelliss.com
Thanks and wishing you the best if you are single and want to move onward and upward!

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