Restoring Broken Relationships – Is It Possible?

Do you really want to ‘make up’ with him even though he drives you crazy?

Restoring broken relationships is almost impossible.  For me it involves unconditional love, giving up our own expectations for that relationship, forgiveness in abundance, humility especially accepting my own role in the breakdown of the relationship.  Mostly, how do I do that – I am just me.  No matter how much I want something, it doesn’t mean it would happen.  So finally in my thirties I gave up trying to do everything myself (or so I reasoned at the time even though I have always had varying levels of different kinds of support from family and friends throughout my life).  I gave up and said “I can’t do this anymore”  “If you are real God, reveal yourself to me.”  “Jesus if you are real, help me.”  That night on my knees in my trendy apartment in groovy Subiaco, was one of the major turning points in my life.  Not saying it has been easy.  My first task was to go to East Timor which included a state of emergency…  but that is a whole other story….

So with God’s amazing grace in my life I am now able to restore those relationships where there has been so much hurt.  Saying that it is never easy and of course it does require the other person to also want to reconcile – although not so much on their part I have noticed.  Thank God for that.  Two examples are with two of my closest girlfriends. Both of these women have been so close to me and so important.  I was accepted as part of their families then I wasn’t.  I felt they had totally rejected me.  However even today I am not sure what actually happened with either perhaps we had become too close and overstepped boundaries – yes, I do know that in both cases that was true.  I also think that when we are going through our own trials that when those closest to you are also under depression that it is only possible to cope with so much. Sometimes we do need to be spend time healing before reaching out to help others.   I just am so thankful  today that both of those relationships, although we are not as close as before, are restored with healthier boundaries in place.

So how do we restore broken relationships (again much of this is based on the two day conference of Living Waters that I attended in Bali, Indonesia).

i)                    Listen to other person – ie really listen without interrupting

ii)                   Learn about

  1. the other person eg if they are addicted to alcohol – learn more about where they are at – read books, talk to those who have been able to stay dry
  2. yourself – when you feel yourself getting very emotional – observe why – what emotional buttons are being pushed for you to react that way

iii)                 honesty and confession – if you are only partly honest and continue to hide other things – the poison within will only spread eg if you find yourself thinking about sex with other partners outside your marriage, then progress to pornography – by confessing to your spouse and working on it together, you can lessen the likelihood of you later having sex with others

iv)                 forgive – both the other person (which sometimes can be the hardest part and in my own experience is only possible with God’s supernatural grace and mercy) and forgive yourself

v)                  patience – anything worth having is worth waiting for

vi)                 commitment – you might have said “I do.” Or “I will.” On your wedding day but we all know that it is usually easier to walk away from relationships than stay in them.  However with divine assistance I truly know that even the deepest hurts can be healed.  Although this may not always be in the form that we want.  For example, someone may want to reconcile in marriage after separation only to find that they are now friends and never to be reunited as marriage partners again.

Let us talk about
Name and Mail are required
Join the discuss