This one secret to success that has worked for Oprah and Tony Robbins can work for you too!
So what is this one secret? Well some may say they are rich and successful – even pretty people. But it has not always been that way – in fact Oprah has always felt insecure about her weight and recently (as aired in Australia) spent a week sharing her ongoing struggle in this area and offering sound suggestions to move forward.
But just as with other amazingly successful such as Steve Job (from Apple and Pixar) , Walt Disney, Zig Ziglar… the one secret is that they ‘Begin with the End in Mind’ as Tony tells us.
The secret is….
They have a vision of what they want their future to be like.
Until you know what you want and start working towards it, you will continually be at everyone else’s mercy and be leaving the control of your life in the hands of others.
In more traditional MLM circles, the basic method is usually to write down your goals. These may include your dream house, your dream car, your dream job… then get pictures of these items such as collecting them from magazines or newspapers. Even window shopping in jewellery stores or the areas you want to live in or taking your dream car out for a test drive.
An even better way in today’s world of increased technology is online. But how to do this? Well check out my own vision board then I’ll let you in on the secret how you can do yours….
If you like this as a motivational strategy then I highly recommend creating your own mind movie. It really wasn’t that hard nor did it take very long. The longest part was choosing the pictures and prioritizing what are your highest priorities in your life.
Interview with Dominique Bourlet as part of the 20 questions series: People making a difference
Finally the video and audio excerpts of the interview with Dominique Bourlet are ready!!
Dominique is a healer, author, public speaker and one fascinating individual who has spent the last few years honing his craft of healing including spiritual healing. This interview was held in October 2009 as part of the 20 Questions series in the upcoming book ‘People Making a Difference’.
This short excerpt describes his own ASIFU technique which stands for Asian Fusion Therapeutic Massage.
The full interview with transcript will be available soon.
see here for the audio excerpt
or for the video version
Full audio and transcript available soon!
No 100% compatible soul mate!!
What – no 100% compatible soulmate???
NNNOOOOOOO!!!!
That’s right – not even the experts believe there is. So where do we get this idea of the perfect mate from?
Well my guess is the media for starters. This could be through advertising for everything from ice-creams to perfume to sports cars… and magazines about the Hollywood golden couples, or even watching television soaps…
these images send the wrong messages -
“We were so in love then we just didn’t love each other anymore, so it’s over!!!”
How sad!
For years it has bugged me where people get this idea of marriage.
Well it doesn’t bother me where it came from but I am passionate about how to dispel this so we can stop these dysfunctional relationships and the breakdown of family and society.
Choose to do something about it now -
if you have limited time and just want the overview go here
http://cathyelliss.com/secrets-to-love/
or if you want to see the whole one hour plus documentary which will help dispel some of these fantasies and give us a way forward toward harmony at home and a successful marriage leading to a prosperous life for all the family go here
http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/view/502877
Enjoy and do your part toward world peace!
Even the most seemingly mundane talent is a gift
Who would have thought that drawing in the sand could bring tears to your eyes and international recognition?
That is until you see Kseniya Simonova in action.
Watch this amazing gift….
Do you have these expectations when you go out or date someone and then wonder why you are disappointed?
Dating is a very Western concept. Many cultures do not do the dating thing. Often in these cultures the marriages are arranged and often they work very well – the couple grow to love each other and have similar goals for life and the future.
However, for those of us in countries like America, Ireland and Australia, dating is the accepted and expected path to meeting your marriage partner or just to meet someone, usually of the opposite sex!
So whether it be dating or even just going to the pub on a Friday or Saturday night, what is your motivation?
• To pick up
• A one night stand
• Get drunk
• Have a ‘good time’
• Innocent fun
• Relax
• Unwind
• Catch up with friends
• Meet ‘the one’
• Bump into a guy/girl you like
• Exercise by dancing
• Listen to music
• See your favourite band
• Check out a new club
• See who else is out
• Create an opportunity to chat with a close friend who seems to be going through a tough time
• Spend some time away from your other half
• Spend some time with ‘the girls’ or ‘the boys’
• Get to know your prospective brother-in-law better
• Be busy, surrounded by people, drinking too much to dwell on the pain of the breakdown of your relationship with the person you thought was the love of your life
The list of reasons for dating is endless!
However keep reading if you want the second list that is hopeful and will lead to a better life.
Usually there will be multiple reasons for dating and they will vary according to your mood, age, circumstances, marital status, or phase you are going through.
Then depending on your expectations, you have either had a ‘good’ night or not, or even at the time you had a ball but then the next day you had a hang -over or ‘he didn’t call’ or you slept with him or her then felt totally hollow inside and regretted it.
These expectations can lead to ongoing addictive behaviours or depression… or something uplifting and wonderful.
According to Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling series ‘The Five Love Languages’, dating is cultural specific and he lists some reasons why people date. Thankfully he is a God loving man and so his list is uplifting and inspiring! [This list is based on his from his book ‘The Five Love Languages for Singles’.]
• To develop wholesome interactions with someone (ie not as a sexual object but as a person)
• Learn about the other person – their personality, their attitudes and values
• Discover more about yourself – not only in the way we relate to people in purely platonic or professional relationships but also romantically (and also our own positive and negative character traits)
• Practice putting others first – for example if you have not already established good rapport with people and you want one, you will need to do some things that they like (even if you don’t) or they just won’t be there!
• Listen to others – active listening is one of the most effective communication skills
• ‘checking out’ the other person to see if they would make a good lifelong mate or you learn what is essential and what is desirable in one
When we have a crush on someone or are attracted to them, we often have little choice in the matter – ignore it, take steps to release the emotion especially if it is inappropriate such as if one partner is already married, or embrace it and ‘fall in love’.
However as Gary Chapman explains when the stage of the ‘tingles’ begins to dwindle also known as falling out of love, is there enough of a foundation based on mutual respect to warrant the effort to reignite the spark or is it time to move on?
The good news is with his techniques outlined in his book series, it is possible to reignite the passion in your relationship.
For further recommendations on this topic please email me at cathy@cathyelliss.com
Thanks and wishing you the best if you are single and want to move onward and upward!
Don’t give up
It is so much easier to give up…
and yet to succeed in life we need to push on through the day to day and especially through the hard times.
Here is Nick Vujicic in a very short video as part of his Life Without Limbs outreach program speaking in a high school impacting youth.
If you want to see more – check out my ‘I am Happy’ post under the ‘Life’ category from last year. That one is definitely sure to release some emotions and inspire you today!
Cast off your burdens and welcome joy in… in 2010
Happy New Year to all. Well I am feeling fresh and inspired again after the holiday break and some quiet time and study on top of social family and friend time, and swimming and even fishing! Hope you are too.
One book I have been reading is Florence Schovel Shinn’s ‘The Game of Life’. I invite you to join with me in casting off burdens and welcoming joy back into your life in this new decade.
“I cast off the burden of __________ and am free to be ______________.”
eg my first one was ‘I cast off the burden of singledom and am free to be loving, peaceful and joyous.’
God bless us all with his abundant blessings this year.
Healthy Relationship Boundaries – what are they and how can they help? [Adult – child/teen]
Do you ever watch television and see children yelling at their parents? Or in the shops, children or teenagers disrespecting others? How did this happen? Unfortunately for many of our younger generations they have never seen people being respected such as I did when I was a young girl. In those days you would rarely ever have seen a child or teenager backchat a parent or teacher, and if you did there were consequences – such as the cane at school or a smack or wooden spoon at home or even at the shop. *
Unfortunately as a teacher who first began teaching in schools twenty years ago then came back into the traditional classroom many years later – the changes were like stepping into another world. In Australia and the UK and I imagine at least most of the Western world, it is expected that students will rebel and even our television soaps teach our kids stereotypes of rebelling, experimentation, and underage and premarital sexual relations as the norm. I myself only learned that these were only one option, and not the norm as I had seen in my high school and on evening soaps, in my twenties.
It is not all doom and gloom though, there are many youth who are also stepping up and not accepting the behavior of their peers and who are determined to show the world how passionate and impacting they are thus balancing the sometimes general perception in the west of youth as disrespectful and ungrateful.
Even as recent as a year ago I was teaching in a faith school and the students sometimes would salute me, as a disciplinarian. I definitely don’t see my style as disciplinarian however sometimes when starting off at a new school and even with a new class, the teacher can add benefits by really setting the standards high – in terms of classroom behavior, classwork and homework policies. This did pay dividends for me and my students and even the teacher assistants loved my class as real learning was taking place in an inclusive and supportive atmosphere.
So how have I set these standards as a teacher? Often I have workshopped the rules and expectations with the students first and they always end up with the two ‘R’s – Respect and Responsibility. That is respect and responsibility for yourselves, for your and others’ property and also for the group. Many people don’t seem to include the latter but if students understand teamwork and how one student can ruin it for the remainder, the atmosphere is better all around and a valuable lifelong lesson learned. In a primary school setting, an example would be where a few students playing up thus slowing down the lesson and allowing no time for the whole class to play an outside game (usually the class favourite pastime). Earlier this year I had a few girls in a state primary school class repeatedly disrupting the class. I spoke to each individually and explained how their behavior had affected the remainder of the class and for them to think about how the class had been looking forward to outside activity. They had an option to apologise to the class for letting them down and have the class decide if they would accept the apology as sincere and decide a fitting consequence. Each student chose this option and the impact was dramatic. The class accepted all bar one of the apologies (not always the first time!) and of course said that the student had suffered enough with the disappointment and in-class isolation during lesson from their peers.
If either as a parent or teacher, you choose to go down this road I suggest you look up some strategies and even some theories such as the theory of bumps, behavior management and classroom strategies. Many parents recommend the PPP parenting principles which can make a huge difference if one is consistent and yet combines this with some flexibility.
From another perspective, it is also written that if we teach our children the right ways they will not easily deviate from the path. One amazing mentor of mine these days is a woman called Dani Johnson. She has an amazing story and realized that what she thought were her own developed, logical steps to success in every area of your life were actually based on those Biblical principles she had learned as a teen. Basic principles for life such as honesty, respect, trustworthiness, and doing your best. Definitely not rocket science and yet so many of us choose to do what is right in our own eyes no matter the affect on others and then wonder later, “What went wrong?”
If you are interested in resources, please email me as I have many recommendations. One book series I highly recommend is that written by Warren Chapman, entitled ‘The Five Love Languages’. The series has these books for relationships, children, teens, even singles and also includes work books. The strategies suggested here are very different than those traditionally advocated in more mainstream child/teen relationship books especially for parents and educators. Yet I have had much success with them especially when more traditional methods have not worked.
Finally I strongly believe that if you can love your children enough to discipline them, they will benefit for the rest of their lives.
* I am not advocating violence however from experience if alternate strategies are not working, a good old fashioned smack for effect (not hard) can do wonders!
Restoring broken relationships – is it possible?
Do you really want to ‘make up’ with him even though he drives you crazy?
Restoring broken relationships is almost impossible. For me it involves unconditional love, giving up our own expectations for that relationship, forgiveness in abundance, humility especially accepting my own role in the breakdown of the relationship. Mostly, how do I do that – I am just me. No matter how much I want something, it doesn’t mean it would happen. So finally in my thirties I gave up trying to do everything myself (or so I reasoned at the time even though I have always had varying levels of different kinds of support from family and friends throughout my life). I gave up and said “I can’t do this anymore” “If you are real God, reveal yourself to me.” “Jesus if you are real, help me.” That night on my knees in my trendy apartment in groovy Subiaco, was one of the major turning points in my life. Not saying it has been easy. My first task was to go to East Timor which included a state of emergency… but that is a whole other story….
So with God’s amazing grace in my life I am now able to restore those relationships where there has been so much hurt. Saying that it is never easy and of course it does require the other person to also want to reconcile – although not so much on their part I have noticed. Thank God for that. Two examples are with two of my closest girlfriends. Both of these women have been so close to me and so important. I was accepted as part of their families then I wasn’t. I felt they had totally rejected me. However even today I am not sure what actually happened with either perhaps we had become too close and overstepped boundaries – yes, I do know that in both cases that was true. I also think that when we are going through our own trials that when those closest to you are also under depression that it is only possible to cope with so much. Sometimes we do need to be spend time healing before reaching out to help others. I just am so thankful today that both of those relationships, although we are not as close as before, are restored with healthier boundaries in place.
So how do we restore broken relationships (again much of this is based on the two day conference of Living Waters that I attended in Bali, Indonesia).
i) Listen to other person – ie really listen without interrupting
ii) Learn about
- the other person eg if they are addicted to alcohol – learn more about where they are at – read books, talk to those who have been able to stay dry
- yourself – when you feel yourself getting very emotional – observe why – what emotional buttons are being pushed for you to react that way
iii) honesty and confession – if you are only partly honest and continue to hide other things – the poison within will only spread eg if you find yourself thinking about sex with other partners outside your marriage, then progress to pornography – by confessing to your spouse and working on it together, you can lessen the likelihood of you later having sex with others
iv) forgive – both the other person (which sometimes can be the hardest part and in my own experience is only possible with God’s supernatural grace and mercy) and forgive yourself
v) patience – anything worth having is worth waiting for
vi) commitment – you might have said “I do.” Or “I will.” On your wedding day but we all know that it is usually easier to walk away from relationships than stay in them. However with divine assistance I truly know that even the deepest hurts can be healed. Although this may not always be in the form that we want. For example, someone may want to reconcile in marriage after separation only to find that they are now friends and never to be reunited as marriage partners again.
Addictions – how do we know if we are addicted?
Is there something in the world that you just love??? For me for nearly twenty years, it was the reward of a cigarette. If I had done a hard physical workout, I would have a cigarette. If I had just completed an exam I would reward myself by smoking.
For some the object of an addiction can be a different substance such as alcohol – that beer or wine after a hard’s days work or beginning at lunch on the weekend just because you can! For others the object of addiction is less obvious such as being addicted to a person, work, exercise (oops – yes, I have been guilty of each of these!) One thing I truly appreciate about life is that we do struggle for without struggles we become arrogant and independent and isolated… With struggles we can choose what to do with them – cope with them by becoming addicted or draw closer to God and have him comfort us.
Life is about love. God is love. However love needs to be in relationship – between you and other people or you and God. Even if you don’t agree that life is about love, I challenge you in your quieter, contemplative times that you are either thinking that you want love or defensively saying that you can live without it! In the Western world where it can be considered uncool to believe in God and even childlike to believe in Jesus, I wonder why is the prevalence of substance abuse to numb our emotions so high!
Last weekend I went to a two day conference not only for those suffering from addictions, especially sexual addictions, but for those who would minister to them. The conference was run by the Christian group Living Waters and we were blessed to have a team come out from Canada and teach and minister to us here in Bali, Indonesia.
So how do we know if we are addicted?
Is there something in your life that makes you feel GOOOOOOD! You really enjoy it – maybe it is chocolate cake or coffee or the next line of cocaine!
Telltale signs you have an unhealthy attachment….
a) Need more of it each time to get the same good feeling
b) When you don’t have it, you are not so nice to be around
c) You trick yourself saying that you can live without it or even deny that you use if at all
d) Give excuses for it – perhaps saying “Oh well, I just overindulged over Christmas and New Year. “
e) Hiding that you are doing it such as the single mum hiding the bottle of gin in the laundry basket
f) Procrastinate – you even acknowledge that it is an issue but say “I am enjoying the moment. One day I will look at stopping.”
Be gentle with others, even if right now you seem to have no addiction in your life, be thankful. All of us are addicted to something.
It is how we choose to deal with it that makes us who we are.
